Daddy’s Little Girl and Her Choice of Men
To all the men I chose and did not choose,
To the ones I wanted and the ones I’ve had,
This is not about you.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, shall we?
Of course, we shall!
When I started thinking of writing this piece for April, I did not know why I wanted to write it but somehow I felt strongly that I should write it.
So, I asked myself “what’s the worst thing that could happen if I did?” The answer I gave myself was that my father will haunt me down and if there’s any other I guess I’d find out once this has been published.
Well, my father haunting me down wouldn’t be a bad thing to happen as it will only help me discover what he currently looks like (the last time I saw the man was in 2017).
But that’s not why we are here!
So, let’s get started.
They say girls look for their fathers in men they want to be with but I know girls is not me and I am not girls.
I have read a lot of opposing opinions about this issue on the internet and I am only here to talk about myself.
Maybe someday the experts will add my case to their surveys but for now, there’s so much I do not and do agree with when it comes to the information I have come across on the web.
So, should I blame Taiwo?
You probably guessed right, my father’s name is Taiwo and the big question is should I blame him for every interaction I have had with his gender?
No! I don’t think so. Absolutely not!
I mean, I don’t even fault this guy for not sending me to school, so why blame him for the type of men I have chosen to be with? That’s so eewww! Jeez!!!
As of this moment, I do not believe that his presence or absence made that much of a difference as experts like to state because, for God’s sake! What could my father have done about me catching feelings and acting on them with the boys/guys/men that I have been with through the years? Nothing, I guess and you would probably agree with me.
This post does not discuss my relationship with my father even if it gives you a glimpse into what that relationship is like; it’s majorly to see if I have been settling for the male gender (consciously or unconsciously) because of who my father is.
So, do the guys I have said yes (or no) to have any similarities with Taiwo?
Let me first say that I do not even know the man so well to state his qualities, but! I will dive into memory lane and see what I can garner. And, that’s what we will use to judge because, if I have been choosing men with his qualities, whatever I bring up from memory lane is what I have probably been using to pick them.
I recall my father to be:
Proud — He loves to show himself off and whatever it is that he’s got. If he ever reads this, I’m sure he’d agree and probably show it off as well. LMAO! Man likes to say “my daughter did this, wrote this…”. tbh, my father is a boastful man.
Very Handy — While I was growing up, my father’s job was plumbing. He was very good with using his hands around the house — fixing one thing or the other. So, yeah, my father as I recall was a handyman.
Fun fact: I joined him on the site a few times as a kid and I love the fragments of those memories that bounce around my head once in a while.
Supportive — One time someone was harassing me with my nude (story for another time) and my mum was making life unbearable for me — African mother style –, he sent me money to travel somewhere away from home for a while.
That meant so much at the time and I’d always be glad I had that support at the time.
Open-minded & Conservative — One minute he’s seeing things your generation’s way, the next minute, your generation is an eyesore to him.
Traditional — Typical Yoruba man to be very honest. Talk about how you should behave, relate, and communicate, my father, is in every sense of the word yorubaish!
Not so Loyal — Oh! If a marriage ends like my parents did when it all ended in divorce, boy! Trust me, someone’s loyalty rank dropped.
Ps. My parents’ marriage is their business but the correlation between the men I have been with and the man my father is/was is my business and that’s the sole purpose of this piece.
Stubborn — This could be both a good and bad trait because the man hardly ever gives up on work etc, maybe adamant and strong-headed would be better ways to describe this particular trait but, I sha know that the man get coconut head.
He’s been bent on getting us all together again but you see the pride aspect ehn…
Short in Height — My mom’s taller than him so, yeah! The man is vertically challenged as someone described me a few days ago.
I know you’re probably wondering if I’m okay because “is it the same person I’m describing or?”. Well, I’m not insinuating that there’s nothing good about the man whose loins bore me, nahhh, that’s not it. I’m just saying what I know.
C’mon! The man made me fall in love with silhouettes and I’d forever have him to thank for that amongst a couple of other cool memories I have of him.
But, as far as this subject goes, this is how I remember my father. He is a mixture of a lot of traits.
Let the comparison begin!
Let’s start with the height. LMAO! I have only dated one extremely short person and he was about an inch taller than me. By the way, that relationship was a disaster (I even phoned him during the process of writing this piece and we had a good laugh). Like, if you’re shorter than me, don’t even bother.
When it comes to being handy, I think most of the guys I’ve been with were handier around my body than with any other thing, tbvh.
I personally like to tweak and fix things, so, nahhh, I can’t recall one guy I dated that’s a great handyman (but if that’s you, and you’re reading this, send me a message and let’s see if that’s true).
Pride! *insert deep sigh*
I once dated a person that my bestie would forever refer to as proud (even though he argues otherwise). Man was so pompous that our ship sank as fast as it sailed.
Haa! There was that guy who always said “send your account number” every time I was pointing out something he did that I didn’t like. Excuse me, man! I know I’m not earning N500,000 (five hundred thousand naira) monthly but can you stop sounding like money will fix every damn thing!
About loyalty. Leemaooo! My pain point!
I must say that loyalty is one virtue I never took seriously for a long time because in my head nobody was going to give you 100% of it. However, at some point, I realized just how bad I wanted to have it and I learned the hard way.
Let’s not talk about the person that cheated on me or not because this is not about them, it is about me and my father.
Regarding stubbornness ehn, the men that I have been with (and the ones I have really liked) mostly have the same trait, no matter how sweet and adorable they are, I believe that they all have coconut head. Well, thanks daddy, I see you!
This stubbornness doesn’t always come without reasoning though — sometimes, it is majorly the ability to put their foot down and be unwavering in their decisions. And, I like my men firm (in every sense of the word)!
I do not believe that I have been looking for my father in the men I have been with (casually or seriously) and something struck me as I brooded over this subject.
Now, this is where this piece gets tough for me. However, these are the stories I have decided to share — my stories.
More than anything, I have over the years tried to embody different versions of my father. I don’t know when or how it happened but thinking on some moments I realized I did not have to look for him in anybody, I just metamorphosed into him.
Of all things, my father could do stuff and get away with them and I tried my hands at that.
I called the shots of who I wanted to be with and how long I wanted it to last and if it ended before I was ready to call it quits, I simply moved on to the next. Ooops!
One time, I even cheated on a partner (we also spoke while I was putting this piece together) because loyalty did not mean shit to me!
That was a moment in my life when I realized I was becoming too much of the man I neither hated nor loved. He wasn’t influencing my choice of men; he was influencing choices that ran deeper than love affairs.
While it may be true (to an extent) that daddy’s little girls grow up to want their daddy’s back, I did not grow up to want him back.
I grew up to be him with the height minus the pride and traditional mindset.
How have I faired, uhn?
In case you are wondering, I honestly don’t know.
I have made mistakes, hurt myself, hurt others, and while at it, I just continue to discover how much I need to shed and let go of.
C’mon! I only get one shot at life to be me and I cannot afford to spend it living someone else’s life.
I have learned lessons from my different actions and boy! I am still learning.
But if there’s anything you need to know right now, it is that this girl has made her choice of men and they look nothing like her daddy.